Today I reread the journal I kept when I first moved to Chicago. I was twenty two and didn't have a single friend in the city, so the loneliness in the words on those pages was stark and striking. But so was the hope, the promise. Knowing no one meant that I wasn't tethered to any version of myself. I changed my hair color and my name. I was absolutely free. And equally terrified.
This fall I've been circling back around to that person. I feel like over the past two years, I've taken a long detour around and away from myself. Now I am retracing the first steps and streets that I explored here, seeking the ways that I am similar yet also so different.
When I was reading today, I realized that for some reason right now I feel that absolute freedom again. Anything seems possible, and I sense that I'm on the precipice of real change.
Of course, I also feel the terror that comes along with that freedom. The fear of the unknown. The anxiety of what may come.
How do you all find the strength to embrace change every day? How do you resist the inertia that keeps you close to what you've always known? Your wisdom's always welcome.
image by the inimitable Rachel Levit