2016 has been a year of strange gifts. It opened in heartbreak, then handed me a series of opportunities in my professional and personal life. It's seen the loss an old friend to betrayal and another to California but also a few new beautiful women who have found their way into my world. It leant me a man I thought I might love for a long time until he walked away. Through it all, I've held on to a Zora Neale Hurston quote that I sent to a friend in March:
This year has been fraught with growing pains, but it has been a year of answers. Sometimes I am overcome with anxiety and break down in the strangest of places (s/o to the people who have given me tissues and/or hugs in airports, hotel lobbies, etc.), but when those feelings pass, I sense a new clarity. It's a calm self assurance that, I'm learning, only comes with age. A feeling that I can't rush no matter how impatient I may be (more on patience and my lack of it in another post).
And in this time of growing pains, I'm realizing that there's nothing like pain to make you evaluate what has changed and what has stayed the same in your life. So as so much has been changing lately, I've found myself circling back and returning to old places, perspectives, and friendships.
I recently went for a walk with a friend I met eleven years ago, and as I told her of my life now, I saw so clearly the ways that I had grown and the ways that I hadn't, the new experiences I'd gained and the old (bad) habits I'd only let become more ingrained. That friend has lived through real tragedy this year, and her demeanor and strength stunned me. I am so inspired by the beauty of people around me. I have so much to learn from them.
It's this process of growth and circling back that brought me to create this blog. Amelioratic is a project I started when I was 16, first as a Tumblr (which still exists...), then as an Etsy store, and now as this website. The name is a made up form of the word ameliorate ([n] to make better), a word closely related to my name, a word that I have tattooed on my left wrist as a reminder of my role in the world.
Now, amelioratic is a way to craft and hold on to a regular writing practice. It is a space to articulate myself and make my dreams manifest in the world, a space to share and solicit advice and accountability. So whether you're an old friend who has helped inspire this journey or a new one just beginning to share smiles with me in the world (even the internet world), I hope we can grow together. I have so much love to give and so much to learn from you all. Please be in touch.